HOME AND FAMILY

In my experience of both working with and being friends with mothers of young children, I find that most of them believe that their own wants and needs should come second to the wants and needs of their children.

Well, let me share with you that: nothing could be further from the truth!   It breaks my heart to see mothers feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled in their role due to them not paying enough attention to themselves and their own wants and needs. And the sad part about this is: both the mother and their children can get what they want and need and both feel totally fulfilled!   If you would like to avoid falling into this same pattern of being overwhelmed and unfulfilled (and I KNOW you do), here are 3 simple tips to help you avoid this challenge and to help you get what you need so that you can be even better in your role as a mom. 

Simple Tip #1 is to acknowledge your wants and needs. What I mean by this is to notice what they are and accept that it is normal for you to have wants and needs that don't necessarily have anything to do with being a mother to your children.   Begin by making a list of all of the things that you want and need that will make you more fulfilled in your role as a mother.  Don't be afraid to list whatever it is that you want.  Acknowledging what you want and need is the first step! 

Simple Tip #2 is to get the additional support that you need in order to take the time that is necessary for you to do whatever it is that will help you feel more fulfilled.  Now you may be wondering where you can get the support that you need so here are some ideas.   Begin by sharing your ideas on this topic with your husband or partner and enlist his additional support of taking care of the children for some of the time while you focus on you. Or perhaps other family members or friends could help you out.  Another option would be a babysitting network of other mothers or a "moms' time out" network at a local church. You will find that there are lots of support options available once you begin looking for them. 

Simple Tip #3 is to rid yourself of any guilt that you might feel for focusing this time on you and having your own wants and needs met!  Think about what it will mean for your children to have a mother who is more relaxed, more fulfilled and therefore happier.  Can you see how this will result in you having more patience for them, being able to focus more of your attention on them when you do spend time with them and setting the example of what it means to take care of ones self? 
No matter how much enjoyment and fulfillment you get in your role as a mother, you still deserve to have your own wants and needs met. You are missing a crucial part of the equation of being a great mother if you are not taking the time to focus on YOU! The good news is that you can begin by following these 3 Simple Tips outlined above to get your own wants and needs met so that you can be even better in your role as a mother.

"Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first. The birth of the baby Jesus stands as the most significant event in all history, because it has meant the pouring into a sick world of the healing medicine of love which has transformed all manner of hearts for almost two thousand years... Underneath all the bulging bundles is this beating Christmas heart." -- George Matthew Adams
"The rooms were very still while the pages were softly turned and the winter sunshine crept in to touch the bright heads and serious faces with a Christmas greeting." -- Louisa May Alcott
"Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart... filled it, too, with a melody that would last forever." -- Bess Streeter Aldrich
" The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!" -- Charles N. Barnard
"Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas." -- Peg Bracken
"The earth has grown old with its burden of care But at Christmas it always is young, The heart of the jewel burns lustrous and fair And its soul full of music breaks the air, When the song of angels is sung." -- Phillips Brooks
"I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never aone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the word seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses." -- Taylor Caldwell
"Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree." -- Charlotte Carpenter
"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas." -- Calvin Coolidge
"Christmas, in its final essence, is for grown people who have forgotten what children know. Christmas is for whoever is old enough to have denied the unquenchable spirit of man." -- Margaret Cousins
"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'." -- Bing Crosby
"Whatever else be lost among the years, Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears, Let us hold close one day, remembering Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men. Let us get back our childlike faith again." -- Grace Noll Crowell
"It is the personal thoughtfulness, the warm human awareness, the reaching out of the self to one's fellow man that makes giving worthy of the Christmas spirit." -- Isabel Currier
"Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget." -- Hugh Downs
"They err who thinks Santa Claus comes down through the chimney; he really enters through the heart." -- Mrs. Paul M. Ell
"Christmas, my child, is love in action." -- Dale Evans
"Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. They're never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal." -- Lenore Hershey
"My first copies of Treasure Island and Huckleberry Finn still have some blue-spruce needles scattered in the pages. They smell of Christmas still." -- Charlton Heston
"At Christmas, all roads lead home." -- Marjorie Holmes
"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" -- Bob Hope
"The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others' burdens, easing other's loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas." -- W. C. Jones
"A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small." -- Eva K. Logue
"Were I a philosopher, I should write a philosophy of toys, showing that nothing else in life need to be taken seriously, and that Christmas Day in the company of children is one of the few occasions on which men become entirely alive." -- Robert Lynd
"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love." -- Hamilton Wright Mabi
"The merry family gatherings-- The old, the very young; The strangely lovely way they Harmonize in carols sung. For Christmas is tradition time-- Traditions that recall The precious memories down the years, The sameness of them all." -- Helen Lowrie Marshall
"There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions." -- Bill McKibben
"I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month." -- Harlan Miller
"Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence." -- Joan Mills
"Christmas is, of course, the time to be home - in heart as well as body." -- Garry Moore
"What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace." -- Agnes M. Pharo
"Mankind is a great, an immense family... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas." -- Pope John XXIII
"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." -- Andy Rooney
"Christmas--that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance--a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved." -- Augusta E. Rundel
"Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone." -- Charles Schulz
"As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is." -- Eric Sevareid
"Christmas is the day that holds time together." -- Alexander Smith
"Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder. The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty, for in it are born our art, our science, our religion." -- Ralph Sockman
"Christmas ... is not an eternal event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart." -- Freya Stark
"Christmas is a day of meaning and traditions, a special day spent in the warm circle of family and friends." -- Margaret Thatcher
"At Christmas play and make good cheer, For Christmas comes but once a year." -- Thomas Tusser
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic." -- Unknown
"Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles." -- Unknown
"If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away." -- Unknown
"Until one feels the spirit of Christmas, there is no Christmas. All else is outward display--so much tinsel and decorations. For it isn't the holly, it isn't the snow. It isn't the tree not the firelight's glow. It's the warmth that comes to the hearts of men when the Christmas spirit returns again." -- Unknown
"Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts." -- Unknown
"Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world - stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death - and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas." -- Henry Van Dyke
"Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts." -- Lenora Mattingly Weber
"Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance - each beautiful, unique and too soon gone." -- Deborah Whipp
"Somehow, not only for Christmas, But all the long year through, The joy that you give to others, Is the joy that comes back to you. And the more you spend in blessing, The poor and lonely and sad, The more of your heart's possessing, Returns to you glad." -- John Greenleaf Whittier
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall." -- Larry Wilde

Mom... When I decided to write about you my pen is stopped on the pulse, and my hands are frozen, not for nothing but because my mind and my heart have not been able to express even a word about your soul pure. I begged for my memory so much to help and provide me with words which express what lies in me, but they were powerless compared with the greatness of your soul. O compassionate; My heart is filled with tons of love and gratitude, and of your standing as bells of your situations and education are still ringing in my ears. You educated me and I thanked you by crying, you taught me how to go my first step and I thanked you by escaping, you gave me delicious food and I thanked you by throwing you with dishes, you give me a pen and I drew on the walls. All these situations were in the last periods of childhood, and what remains is your compassion, you are the only person who bore my affliction.

Mother's Day is intended for honoring your immaculate inquiry, reminding of what you created, but this day is much less than what you gave us; what you gave humanity; what you gave life. Specifying one day to honor your achievements, to say what the agony you suffered to grow up generations who are building nations, is not enough for your pure position. You are the peace of the universe, Mom.

Whenever we tried to say the achievements of this great human, we can not give her what she actually deserves, even we can not give her simple parts of her right, you are the great person who rocked the cradle with your right and are able to shake the world with your left. She studied with us, overpassed the difficulties of life with us and graduated from schools and universities with us. She is happy for our successes and she blesses our days, thanks to all of this.

On the other hand, How we have provided for Motherhood, what we have done for her since childhood and what we did after her old age, we got married and neglect her because of our work. We could not coordinate our days with her, although we know that she has dedicated all her life to us. We should acknowledge that all what we have and all what we achieve is thanks to her, even the blood that is flowing in our veins is from her spirit. We should return to our senses, cherish the role of our mothers, respect them, have pity on them as they do with us and smile to them as they instilled love in our souls. In the end the mother is priceless and we should pray for God to protect her.

This is the most terrifying thing I have had to go through in all my 7 months of motherhood. It shook me!

I had just finished bathing for my 5 month old - at the time- and I dropped him to get something, he wasn't rolling over yet so I assumed that a few seconds won't hurt the next thing I knew, I heard a cry, turned and saw my naked baby on the floor - that image is etched in my memory.

I lifted him quickly and he stopped crying but I couldn't stop crying- That ugly-face-sobbing kind of cry. It was very terrifying. My husband, heard me cry and came into the room, I told him why I was crying, he took the baby and prayed for him while I picked up my phone to check Google.

I read that I should check his use of the hands and legs, if his pupil is the same size, if he is not sleepy or vomiting. I checked and checked again, he appeared fine and was laughing already but I was convinced that I had ruined him by making him fall, for the next couple of days, every thing he did - like twitch or spit up - I attributed it to the fall in my mind. I was drowning in guilt and ashamed of myself for letting my baby fall off the bed. Then I spoke to my Mum and Sister.

My Mum told me to check his head and make sure he is not crying when I touch any part of his head and if he is fine, I should just let it go and not beat myself up over it.

My sister told me of her experience and said "Don't worry, there will be more falls" and further told me not to feel guilty about it anymore. I kinda let it go after about a week. It wasn't very easy though.

Here's a few things I learnt from that experience.

* If your child is not rolling over yet, just assume he/she is and put a pillow around them if you will look away for even a second.
* One second is enough for a child to do something swiftly, it's so shocking. You'd wonder how they get the speed.
* Always have an eye on your baby.
* Let there be a padding on the sides of you bed in case your baby does fall. A rug or foot mat, anything so he/she doesn't land on the bare floor.

and if your baby eventually falls down...

If your baby is physically alright, STOP WORRYING! YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!

I was raised in a church-going family of three children. My parents were too busy working and there was not much time for family bonding to ask personal questions. As you know, young people have all kinds of questions going through their heads. We tried to look for our own answers and searched in the wrong direction. Over the years, we children became difficult to manage, and one after the other got into problems.

I became rebellious as a teenager. It was not long before I got involved in drinking and smoking. I did not go to church anymore. I was attracted into sexual relationships and I became pregnant by a young man who did not want to marry me.

I knew there was a God, and I also believed that Jesus Christ died for all our sins, but I did not know how to apply this knowledge to my personal life. Neither had anybody ever told me that this was necessary in order to become a Christian. I was never taught that one needed to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour. I thought being a churchgoer was enough. Sad to say, I became entangled in gross sin.

Here I was, stuck, with no way out, and nowhere to go.

My parents decided to send me far away here for my pregnancy to keep it secret to other friends and relatives until I delivered the baby. All this time, I had struggled with it by myself.

Shortly after the birth, I became so desperate I wanted to end it all. But my family were so amazed and blessed when they saw my little baby girl so adorable and cute. And I was loved by everybody, but that did not change the fact that I was single with a baby. Often I cried, thinking that I would never be able to find a nice young man who would want to be my husband.

Four years after, my daughter attended nursery school. Her teacher was proud and surprised by her performance and talented skills. She can sing, dance, draw, actively participate and answers the question in relation to Mathematics. She was a great blessing! God has given me this child as a miracle. I got saved and accepted the Lord Jesus as my Saviour. I started to attend Church again every Sundays. And thank God for His blessings.

I continued my studies and graduated with a Degree of Bachelor of Science in Accountancy. I got my first job and raised my daughter with my parents' guidance and loving support on how to be an effective Mother to my child, not when they both died due to Diabetes (no cure for this kind of sickness). As the eldest of siblings, I took the full responsibilities of my parents for us to survive.

I had no choice but to accept that they have left us. Again, I kept on blaming myself why it happened. I can't move forward because of sorrow and pain in my heart that I felt.

I struggled to look for a stable job to support my child's education, basic needs and wants. Finally, after long waits and follow-ups, I availed the next-of-kin program for children of former bank employees (my father was a retired bank employee). An opportunity to join a Bank Institution is a privilege. I was first assigned as a bank teller and attended training and advancements. After a year and a half, I was transferred to Loans Department which allowed me to broaden my own skills, experience and additional knowledge for another six years. I can foresee myself working with the Bank for many more years. However, I realized I have other priorities to consider. My daughter as a teenager became wild and uncontrollable. She kept secrets and dishonest to me about everything. Due to working too long hours in the Bank even weekends and holidays, I have no time for bonding with her. So, I decided to leave my stable job just to be a full-time Mother and a Father to my only daughter. It is one of the most difficult moves I have to make for I have already established a good working relationship with my colleague and already familiar with my job.

Many invitations offered me to join or apply for employment but still, I have to consider how to manage and divide my time. Not until one day, my co-siblings introduced to me to apply for an online home-based job as a Virtual Assistant. Jumping into a new career is a crucial part of the process. The Lord has wonderful surprises. He will make a way. He will answer your prayer. He will look after you. God is always at my side. This encouragement made my decision to take the opportunity and to develop more and enhance my skills; a comprehensive Virtual Assistant Training helped me to become more efficient.

It's wonderful that the Lord's ways and the nightmare had ended. God turned my night into day, my crying into laughter, my despair into relief and my sorrow into joy. Now, I am ready with confidence to start having potential clients and so grateful to have a brighter future together with my daughter.

So grateful for the help of my Mentor Piper Ramboanga of KOM Academy. Special thanks to Pen, Franz & Mich Parong for their support on what's like to be a virtual assistant and a Mom!