HOME AND FAMILY: fatherhood

In honor of Father's Day on June 15, 2014, my hat is off to all fathers who have chosen to actively participate in the lives of their children. One of the most endearing moments I see, when in public, is fathers that are interacting with their children. It always seems, to me, that the child or children are always happy and engaged when with their fathers. My comment is not at all to say that children are not happy with their mothers, but to acknowledge that when fathers are involved in their children lives, children have the best of both worlds. Firsthand, I am blessed that I have two fathers that have done a tremendous job of assisting me raising our two boys; kudos to them both.

It is amazing that we must glorify fathers. Reason, so many fathers are not actively involved in their children lives. Millions of fathers are absent parents and evade their responsibilities financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Therefore, fathers who step up to their responsibilities are making a profound difference in our children lives. More and more fathers are custodial parents and are the primary residential parents of their children. It is reported that over 15% of fathers are custodial parents in the United States. It is also reported that more and more fathers are staying home to take care of their children while the other spouse works. Actually, there are over one million fathers that have selected this path. I applaud men who embrace parenting and acknowledge that parenting is one of the hardest responsibilities we encounter throughout our lives. However, our society has not 100% accepted fathers raising their children, but thinks that mothers should be the primary parent. This thought process has not stopped fathers from seek custody and breaking forging the footprint for more fathers to follow suit. While not everyone has embraced and supported this concept, fathers are well on our way to breaking the barriers they once endured.

Dennis has had custody of his now 13 year old son for ten years. Even though Dennis works full-time and his ex-wife lives out of state, being the primary parent has been one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences he has had. "As the residential parent, I never realized what a single mother, for instance, goes through on a daily base. From the time we wake up until it's time for bed, I'm constantly thinking about my role and responsibility as a parent." When asked why he chose to be a single dad, Dennis said that he wanted to be a constant positive influence in his son's life. It was amazing speaking with Dennis and to see the love, adoration and joy he exuded when speaking about his son and being a single parent.

Dennis is just an example of the many fathers who play the most important role in our children lives. The trend is fastly growing when men are becoming the primary parent. No longer are the courtrooms frowning down on the male gender as parents; but considering the best interest of our most precious investments, our children.

On Father's Day, I salute all fathers for making a difference.

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Today's children are immersed in technology that parents could only have dreamed of at their age. This will only accelerate as advancements in computer entertainment leap frog into more complex and fast paced gaming experiences.

How can this fact be used by fathers to help their children? Step up and be the parent. A father should make it clear that in order to have the privilege of playing video games or using the computer, chores and homework must be completed AND checked. Too often, or in many cases, most often, a child will come home from school, go straight to the computer and begin playing immediately.

By enforcing a chore/homework rule (along with a time limit for electronic entertainment), a father can not only ensure the chores get done and homework completed (both of which help children when they are out on their own), but also instills a sense of responsibility. Authority is also established, which is critical to maintain as a parent. Too many parents hand their authority over to their children and then complain at how smart-mouthed and disrespectful they are. Children need and want (whether they admit it or not) boundaries that are enforced by their parents. They understand on a basic level that these boundaries are expressions of love. If you didn't care as a father, you wouldn't bother.

Another related issue is the distracted parent. A father who is too busy to discipline or even set boundaries sends a message that he simply does not care. This is very likely not to be the case, but it is what is projected nonetheless.

Staying with the electronic theme, a couple times a week, make it a point to rally the family around the childrens' favorite games and spend an hour playing THEIR games. My children like multiplayer games and we networked out household computers so that we all can play. Even if you don't have multiple computers, children love it when they can show you their accomplishments. Take an interest in their achievements and make sure you ask questions. This does not involve loads of time, just an hour here and there.

Lastly, fathers and discipline go together. Discipline does not always mean corporal punishment. The father who steps in and metes out discipline in a constructive manner is more likely to have a household that is less chaotic and less disrespectful. In fact, all disrespect should be dealt with. If not, your authority as a parent is chipped away at every time you let it slide. One of the most effective tools that will hit home with your child is to take away the electronic entertainment. Remember, these items are not rights they are privileges.

A father who steps up and gets involved with have a positive impact on his children as they grow up and move out.

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In this chapter, we consider how research over the past decade and a half has contributed new insights into fatherhood. Our brief has been to consider: n parenting in ‘ordinary families’ n the factors associated with the diversity of paternal involvement n the extent to which there is consensus around key fi ndings and implications. As far as the last issue is concerned, we contend that, although there is no complete consensus, fathering is now widely viewed as a diverse set of activities where the infl uences on men are complex and dynamic. Two main methodological innovations have been in evidence in the contributing research. In their efforts to understand the course of family relationships more clearly, scholars on both sides of the Atlantic have capitalised on national datasets to explore the diverse manifestations of fathering. In the USA, longitudinal patterns have been explored using databases like the National Survey of Family and Households and the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth. These were designed in the 1980s to permit examination of father involvement in a variety of sub-groups by oversampling minority ethnic groups and those living in poverty. In one American analysis, Crockett et al. (1993) were able to examine the correlations over time between the presence of father fi gures and the development of pre-schoolchildren. In the UK, the National Child Development Study (NCDS) of children born in 1958, and the more recent Millennium Cohort, have been examined to good effect. For example, Ferri and Smith’s (1995) analysis of the relationship between the nature of parents’ occupations and their family life showed that working-class fathers in the NCDS were more likely than white-collar workers to care for their children while their partners worked. Although such analyses are valuable, we also need to be aware that such databases involve very general questions and thus can give us only a limited understanding of complex issues. The past decade has also witnessed a dramatic increase in the use of qualitative research methods. This has helped to address and illustrate the complexity of paternal roles by allowing scholars to explore issues as diverse as the transition to fatherhood (Henwood and Procter, 2003) and men’s adjustment to post-separation parenting (Lewis et al., 2002) by providing insights into the variations in individuals’

experiences and their changes over time. Some fathering studies have been inappropriately described as ‘qualitative’ when their content has amounted to little more than journalistic description. But, at its best in this fi eld, qualitative research involves a wide variety of perspectives and is highly disciplined, establishing a clear relationship between the theoretical analysis underpinning the study and the data themselves. Of all the issues concerning ‘ordinary families’ explored in the UK, the relationships between men’s and women’s employment, and their commitments to care and the home have been especially prominent. Research in this area has illustrated the added value of using a variety of research methods to explore the role of fathers and to illuminate the need for theory about the interactions among the infl uences depicted in Figures 1 and 2. Summarising research on the ways in which couples have divided domestic labour over the past two decades, Pleck and Masciadrelli (2004) described a ‘culture shift’ towards greater male domesticity. This reading of the international data is consistent with Fisher et al.’s (1999) analyses of two national databases showing faster growth in British fathers’ childcare commitments since the 1960s than among mothers. Of course, greater equity still does not mean that twenty-fi rst-century fathers commit as much time on average to childcare as mothers. As O’Brien’s (2005) recent analysis of data for the Offi ce for National Statistics (ONS, 2003) suggests, fathers in dual-earner households still do less with their children than mothers do (respectively, three and four-and-a-half hours per day). Further analysis of these databases suggests that the sharpest increase in parenting activities has occurred among fathers of pre-schoolers (O’Brien and Shemilt, 2003). O’Brien (2005) concludes that: British fathers are now expected to be accessible and nurturing as well as economically supportive to their children. (O’Brien, 2005, p. 1) Because dual-earner families now represent two-thirds of British families with dependent children, the ongoing changes in working and family roles have important psychological effects. Higher levels of father involvement in childcare are related to the hours and status of maternal employment (Sidle Fuligni and Brooks-Gunn, 2004). Yet increased involvement by men does not appear to be correlated with increased harmony between the involved partners. In a report for the Joseph Rowntree Foundation (JRF), Lewis (2000) reported that, at least in dual-earner families, increased paternal involvement in childcare was related to lower marital satisfaction (for example, see Crouter et al., 1987). This fi nding has been replicated but we now know that the picture is more complex and requires analysis of the family system. Fathers with less sensitive partners appear to be less sensitive towards their children

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Progress has been impeded by the absence of clear theoretical perspectives to frame the conceptualisation of fathering as an activity and of fatherhood as a status. Because fathers have been studied by sociologists, lawyers, historians, anthropologists, psychologists, social policymakers and others, it is not surprising that summaries of the literature have noted (and criticised) its theoretical diversity. Day et al. (2005) identifi ed many interpretative traditions, including: n the individualism of life-course psychoanalytic theory, in which parenthood is represented as a normative life phase in individual development (e.g. Palkovitz, 1997) n the dynamic approaches of both family systems theory (Day et al., 2001) and symbolic interactionism, in which individuals are believed to draw on cultural patterns in their everyday activities (e.g. Minton and Pasley, 1996). More wide-ranging perspectives are based on: n feminism (Silverstein, 1996) n social capital theory (Furstenburg and Hughes, 1995) n anthropology (La Rossa, 1988). How do such theoretical approaches fi t together? Day et al. (2005) outlined the necessary components of any fruitful theoretical model by noting that: … any analysis of fatherhood requires awareness of the specifi c cultural, economic, and social conditions which give rise to the norms and behaviour shaping the conduct of fathers. (Day et al., 2005, p. 341) While some allude to a ‘grand unifying theory’ (Roggman et al., 2002), Day et al. (2005) point out that much contemporary research attempts to be theory free when trying to answer pressing social questions, such as the amount of contact children need with non-resident fathers. Yet it is often not diffi cult to spot theoretical assumptions just below the surface. Day et al. (2005) cite the examples of Blankenhorn (1995) and Popenoe (1993) who emphasise the ‘natural’ path to paternity (i.e. not via adoption, step-parenting, or sperm donor strategies) while proposing that non-biological fathers have diffi culty making the same connection, contribution and investment in children as biological fathers.

We need to base empirical studies of fathers on a sounder theoretical footing if we are to avoid making such assumptions, based on popular stereotypes or political orientations. There is no a priori reason for biological fathers to be the men who care for children – something that is simply assumed in many cultures. This was illustrated by the visceral reactions to Malinowski’s (1927) famous case study of Trobriand Islanders, who, he claimed, recognised the mother’s brother as the social ‘father’. Increasingly, the term ‘father’ has come to identify a form of social, rather than biological, relationship (Palkovitz, 2002). But how should we consider the social and biological aspects of fatherhood? Day et al. (2005) have depicted their intersection in relation to one level of social involvement – a man’s motivation to be involved with his children. But even this tessellation leads to four ‘types’ of fatherhood, as shown in Table 1. Table 1 The biological and social aspects of fatherhood Biological connection present Biological connection absent Motivation present 1 Motivated biofather 3 Motivated non-biofather (e.g. involved stepfather) Motivation absent 2 Unmotivated biofather 4 Unmotivated non-biofather (e.g. disengaged father) (e.g. casual, uninvolved, transitory relationship) Source: Day et al. (2005). This identifi es four types of fathers who have been the focus of recent studies. Motivated biofathers are those identifi ed as biological fathers who are also committed to social relationships with their children. They are the most easily recognised and have been the main focus of attention in fathering research, even though they are becoming less prominent in demographic terms. In the UK, 83 per cent of children lived with two parents in 1991; whereas, in 2001, the proportion had declined to 77 per cent (ONS, 2003). The unmotivated biofathers in Table 1 (such as the ‘deadbeat dads’ discussed in polemical accounts of fatherhood by Blankenhorn [1995] and Popenoe [1993]) are widely decried. But, in many cases, their non-involvement is assumed rather than documented. Indeed, Maclean and Eekelaar (1995) have showed how non-resident fathers change the nature and extent of their contact with their children over time, with many drifting back into contact after initial separation from the mothers. There are several examples of motivated non-biofathers. Stepfathers have been studied systematically (e.g. Hetherington and Clingempeel, 1992), but others, including adoptive fathers, have received less attention. Finally, there are unmotivated non-biofathers: men who have relationships with mothers, but engage in little childcare. Some men in this group have been identifi ed as potential sources of risk to children and their numbers appear to be growing (Kiernan, 2006).

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The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love and respect their mother. No family is perfect but the role of the father remains the same - the head and provider of his family.

Even if you are separated, treat your children's mother with respect, even if it is not reciprocated. Never disgrace your wife because she is the mother of your kids. The respect must still be there no matter what happened because what's important is the welfare of your kids.

Make sure that your children know you love them no matter what. Don't confuse this with permissiveness. Unconditional love has nothing to do with encouraging the wrong kind of behavior. In fact, kids who are secure in their father's love tend to act out less, not more. Remember, an action is better than words. Never let your children insecure for fear of their father; rather make them secure by showing your priceless love. It does not have to be expensive but the care you give is more than worth any other gifts in this world. Take care of them with all your heart not because you want them to have a gratitude to you as their father.

As a father, you need to emotionally and psychologically mature. Children don't want another buddy. What they want is a dad. They want someone who thinks things through, makes tough decisions and engages life with responsibility. Someone they can count on no matter what happens.

As a responsible father, provide your family as best as you can. Though providing the basic necessities in life can be tough when a father does not have a job. The least you can do is to always provide a stable home with love and affection. This is very important if you want to build a harmonious relationship with your family. Money is not everything in life but love and respect matters.

If children are showered with love and respect, basically, they will grow up loving and respectful because the father figure is their model. Kids who learn how to duck responsibility and avoid cost will - sooner or later - fall flat on their faces. Loving fathers make sure their children know how to own up the consequence of their actions and move forward.

The simple goal of parenting our children doesn't look any more complicated than equipping them well so that when they leave home, they know how to establish fruitful and productive lives.

Remember, the best predictor of happiness in children is the happiness and security in their family especially with their parents. If we teach our kids to persevere in life, then they will be well prepared to survive no matter how many setbacks they encounter along the road.

As a father, once you have children; your life changes. There is one thing that a father can do which can have the greatest impact on his children's lives and that is to love their mother. When the kids see dad loving mom, then they see what love looks like.

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As the current Summer season winds down, many parents and children are getting ready for the start of the new school year. Getting a jumpstart on a new daily routine is sure to get them settled in ahead of what is to be expected. Below are 5 helpful few back to school tips that is sure to get the kids prepared and ready for the new year.

1. Start a Calendar - Keeping everyone's schedules straight can be a difficult task but it's totally manageable and a must do. Along with a new school year comes new routine. The best way to keep the schedule organized is to start a calendar. Calendars not only help kids but keeps parents from going mad trying to remember things on the to-do-list in their head. Starting a calendar establishes responsibility, helps to track commitments and gives everyone in the household a sense of organization, stability, and comfort. Create one today. Tack it to the fridge.

2. Sleep Routine - Days are longer during Summer months which gives the kids an incentive to stay up late. Most children aren't morning people so getting them back on track with a good sleep routine is key to preparing for the upcoming school year. Enforcing an hour of quiet time before bed, which includes a no-electronics rule, can help children get into a healthy bedtime routine. Set the alarm for early morning wake up time to get your children used to waking up at the same time every day so that once school starts, early mornings won't be such a frenzy as it lessens the desire to sleep in late. Having a good sleep and wake up routine makes for solid day-to-day rituals that will keep everyone's stress level low.

3. Review Basic Rules - Talk to your children about the positive aspects of starting school to create positive anticipation about the first day of class. Don't forget to lay down a few ground rules and explain safety measures. If your child seems nervous, ask them what they are worried about and help them problem solve ways to master the new situation. Reviewing the basic rules is all about make an extra effort to make sure everyone feels as comfortable as possible about what can be expected in the coming school year ahead.

4. Summer Homework - About two weeks before the start of school, get the children started by completing a few homework assignments. I highly recommend the Summer Bridge Activities workbooks. They are available at your local Wal-mart or Target stores or you can order them online at Amazon.com. Completing Summer homework assignments helps to give your children a jumpstart course to help them refresh, maintain and perhaps, expand upon their academic skills. It preps them to pick up in September right where they left off back in June.

5. Meet The New Teacher - Breaking the ice early on is one of the best ways to calm everyone's fears. Some teachers place welcome phone calls or send e-mails ahead of the start of the new year to introduce themselves. Make yourself and your children available for back-to-school night. This gives you and your child(ren) a chance to tour the classroom, become acclimated with the new academic curriculum and is another great opportunity to for everyone to get to know each other before the year begins.

Planning ahead for the new school year is so much more than just buying new supplies. The trick here is to establish new strategies that will help you and your family stay organized and on top of things for the start of the new school year.

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Hopefully, if you are reading this, you are a man between the ages of 18 and 25 that is about to become a father. In this article, I will elaborate on three helpful tips for becoming a young father. Spend as much time as possible with the child, become financially independent, and constantly be focusing on your future.

When you are a young man about to become a father, your family and friends get scared for you and they might say hurtful words. You need to block out all the negativity and take in all the positivity. Think about how you are about to have a mini you, how you can teach your child so many wonderful things, and how you get to watch them grow into their own person. Your number one goal is spending as much time as you can with your child. One of my favorite sayings is "you get out, what you put in." Well with a child, you get out a thousand times what you put in. Wake up with them in the morning, teach them how crawl, sing songs, catch them when they fall. It's the simple things that truly matter and spending time with your child benefits you just as much as it does them.

The day I told my mom that my girlfriend was pregnant, she said something to me that I will never forget, "if you are going to make grown up decisions, then it is time for you to be a grown up." This meant no more financial help from my mom and I had no idea what to do. While your child is still small, do not go get full-time job even though it might make you the most money. Find a part-time job working no more than 30 hours about 3 to 5 days a week. If you find yourself short on money, start doing side jobs. I was blown away when I found out I could make one hundred dollars within a couple of hours. Let people know that you need money and are willing to work small jobs. You will be surprised when you see how many individuals will say they will pay you for your help.

In the Past two years of being a father I have been, broke, depressed and have hit rock bottom more than a few times. What has kept me going is constantly telling myself "this is only my current situation." As a young father, I can only hope that you want to better your life just as much as your child's. Do whatever you got to do to make it happen, whether it is going to school, learning a trade, or even playing a sport. If it is going to benefit your future, then you have to make it happen for you and your family's sake. One thing I have learned is that, your child will be happy if you are happy and can provide food and shelter for them.

I grew up without a father, so I told myself when I have a kid I am going to be the best father I can be, and every day I stride to do so. Being a father is not an easy road, I learn something new every day. I was 21 years young when I found out a girl I knew for only 3 weeks was pregnant. I lived in a fraternity house, I didn't have a dollar to my name, and I drank beer like it was water. I had to grow up fast and learn a lot about myself and what I can accomplish. I can honestly say it is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would not change for the world. If you listen to these three simple steps, I know that being a young father will be the best thing that has ever happened to you too.

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As life changing experiences go few can compare with becoming a father. It can cause you to redefine your relationship with your own parents, it can imbue a sobering sense of responsibility and it may even cause you to examine your own mortality. Now we know that it can also make you fat.

That is the finding from a 20 year study of over 10,000 men published in the American Journal of Men's Health. As well as a bouncing bundle of joy, fatherhood also delivers an average 4.4 extra pounds for a six-foot daddy. A father who does not live with his kids can expect to gain 3.3 pounds whereas men who do not become fathers actually lose weight, around 1.4 pounds on average. Other factors that can influence weight gain such as age, race, education, income, screen time and daily activity were taken into consideration, so the weight gained was purely down to fatherhood. This extra weight gain also has the knock-on effect of raising a dad's risk of developing heart disease, diabetes and cancer.

This is probably not surprising news to dads. Sleepless nights, extra treat foods and a mountain of leftovers from picky eater kids is not exactly a recipe for weight loss. Time becomes a luxury for parents and there is less of it to spare to take care of yourself.

Dr. Craig Garfield is the lead author of the study and an associate professor of pediatrics and of medical social sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and attending pediatrician at Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago. Dr. Garfield attributes the weight gain to differences in lifestyle and eating habits between the three groups. "You have new responsibilities when you have your kids and may not have time to take care of yourself the way you once did in terms of exercise.Your family becomes the priority," he stated.

Luckily the Dad Bod is trending right now so dads need not lament the fact that their kids ruined their figure. However for the sake of our kids dads need to concentrate a bit more on their own health.

So what can fathers do? Stop eating leftovers for a start! Dr. Garfield admitted that his main failing was finishing his kids' leftover pizza. Dads can also get active with their kids, according to Harvard Medical School just 30 minutes of moderate playtime with your kids can burn between 120 and 178 calories. Vigorous play can burn 150 to 222 calories per half-hour. So think of your kids as living kettlebells that demand to be exercised with!

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